As the saying goes Let go and let God. First, do no harm. This also requires watching what we say, how we say it and when we say it and to whom our words are directed to about whom our lives have been entrusted to. So share the love as honestly and as often as you can. Just doing something really gives the impression that you truly are there to help and do anything! * Your absence is deeply felt. I respectfully suggest being very careful with the offer of prayer. Believers have just accepted that there is a plan, not just random chaos, and that we cannot know the plan because were not a supernatural being,. Could I do that for you, too?. But it doesnt help if were not. Hopefully, these five positive sayings can help you show your support in other ways and make a patient or caregivers day a little brighter. His agony led to be bed ridden and total immobile, compounding his ability to fight the infections. The words I am sorry can be a mixed bag. CaringBridge is a personal health journal that lets you easily share your health journey with all your loved ones. I think being your authentic self in awareness of the sacred moment is best and I like prayer. Proclaiming that God is in control or that youre praying for us helps if you know were religious. I had no words so just put out my arms. i Pray for God s grace to endure this path as a family. No one wants to have to ask. This just added to my grief of losing a great mother-in-law and to the rejection and pain of the separation. I am participating in Grief Share (which is really wonderful) and they suggest letting people know what you need. It puts the responsibility on the person who is struggling. I`m here for you to help during these trying times. thank you for telling me. Aho/Amen. Other than that, I needed to know people were praying for me. Mild is not mild, I am on oxygen all the time.my son purchased herbal remedy for emphysema from solution health herbal clinic ,which i used for 6 weeks and am totally Emphysema free ,all thanks to solution health herbal clinic, solution health herbal clinic also cure all type of disease in humans life..please Stop smoking! In my view, none of the 6 Positive Expression is as sensitive and compassionate as simply Im sorry followed by something like How can I be helpful? or You are loved., well, count me in on your cheerleading squad!. Want to ride along? It was perfect. I am sorry, is good. Everyone there will appreciate it. A dear friend of mine has pancreadic cancer. I also felt cared for when people said in my thoughts and prayers. Each have been very comforting in their own way. By commenting you accept the CaringBridge Terms of Use and Privacy and Cookie Policy. My neighbor offered his driveway for my brother to park his vehicle. Priceless! Be wholly in the sacred moment and your heart will always know what to do (my experience). End of life: Providing physical comfort You are amazing. Hang in there. Then lets just kick the s**t out of Plan B! For the right person, like me, this is the absolute best! Email or even better send a card snail mail with the same offer for an ice cream cone etc. Id hold her hand and smile. We are heartbroken. This study aimed to determine nursing students' attitudes towards caring for terminally ill patients, as well as the associations between these attitudes and year of study, exposure to . Its an act of kindness that pays off for your relationship going forward. Practical supports that mean a lot and give the person a much-needed respite., As a cancer and later chemo-brain patient, I appreciated when someone would say you inspire me. Let me know what I can do or Im here for you, while appreciated, were not as helpful as when people just showed up whether that was by sending a card or a note, calling on the phone or delivering a meal or a gift that made me feel like they were thinking of me and that I wasnt alone. Many thanks for he above suggestions to replace simply, Im sorry.. Also, having friends ask permission to put me or my loved ones on their prayer chains have always been a great comfort. Recently my hubby suddenly died although he had health problems for many years. I find that sometimes a hug is better than any words. I lost my first husband in 2004 to COPD and if anyone would have said to me the sarcastic comments you have noted above I would have been hurt. You are a role model for others. Be specific with offers to help such as : I can help with the grocery shopping or errand running on certain days and times, or let me give you a break from caregiving tomorrow afternoon around 2pm as examples. The least appreciated thing people said in her presence was, Just be patient!. Another friend offered to babysit and then never reached out once during the 3 months my son was hospitalized. You can say what can I do? Ill save my extra time for coffee (or a beer) with a close friend that I dont have to explain anything to and who I know is sorry without her having to say anything at all. Also, never say, They are in a better place now. When you run into somebody whos confused, dazed, unable to make contact with a loved one, or just feeling completely isolated during a moment of greatest dire immediate need of attention, perhaps the greatest statement you can make is to nod, take the individual to a seat and never take your eyes off that person, especially his or her face or wherever the person is experiencing the greatest pain. They are still the same person they were before their particular tragedy struck them. I could read them when able, or when I needed a pick me up. What mattered to me was that there was some acknowledgement of what happened, and that they cared enough to say something. Thank you Dr. Peter Wise for this great healing. Also, getting a thinking of you card in the mail brightens a day. It is so easy to say and then do nothing, I come from a family of people who pray and am worn out by their inability to give any practical help beyond praying. She eventually told them to leave her house and she ended up not only walking again, but also lived for another 9+ years! Im here for you Go to the store, buy a blank card with a beautiful image, and simply say Words fail All our love, and sign it. Weve married for 47 years May 1! If someone ill and living alone, call them and offer to run to the store, offer to make them something to eat and ask what time is best to bring it over, when is a good time to visit, if they feel up to it. Or no words. That is the worst thing you can do as it makes the person feel even more isolated. Encouragement is always the best choice. 8 Things You Shouldn't Say Here's what not to say to a patient or caregiver who is suffering: 1. They play a significant role in the well-being of any patient. I also dont know what someone is comfortable doing, so if you really want to help, pick something you can do and offer a specific time (i.e. YES I did & doall the time! Their civil rights of the complete Due Process package and the rights of Life, Liberty and Happiness do not cease when elders become vulnerable. tough break but we can fight together! Its why I asked for donations in his memory, to CB , upon his passing. 1) My heart strings are with you and your family. How about an envelope full of coupons for picking up a prescription, a ride to the doctor or hairdresser, an offer for a massage, a gentle hug, making a favorite recipe, delivering, takeout, taking care of pets, mowing the lawn for a month, a fresh cut flowers, grocery shopping, paying an electric bill or providing gas money? I have been a caregiver in some form all my life (professional and amateur statis)There was a point in my life where I was consumed by caregiving. This will help me know how to feel helpful. Please if I can be of assistance in any way, dont hesitate to ask! SHOW them you want to help. Is there a day I can detail your car for you? Over the past two weeks, my wife, sons and myself to see him, which pleased him so much. One of the things I often say, No words can express my feelings. At times hardship people asked me how they could help. Some families also are use it as a handy place for medication reminders. I think part of the problem, is culturally we dont want to talk about death, most of the time. As a patient I rather hear this sucks than this stinks! Ill be praying for you. While I really appreciated hearing from friends and family, it seemed like such a canned and pityresponse, that I didnt even want to tell people. and yet continued in a very long, and painful cancer until her death. The Lord gives you strength . She was with him to the end, as he went to a more peaceful place. I went through 2 separate brain surgeries. Finally, I do not believe personally in a Judeo-Christian tradition I.e. I asked her if she worked in that hospital and wanted to keep an eye out for me. Of course, then you do pray for that person. Depending on the recipient and/or the situation, sometimes a genuine hug or hand grasp will suffice. That phrase places an expectation on the person to meet MY expectation of how they should be feeling. Sometimes just a big old hug is enough. Pop over. Really. Both are available through Stephen Ministeries. I would prefer it to be said to me than any of the above. marv and jo. Bringing food and flowers do wonders! After all, its only human that youd like to do something a little extra special to put the ailing person at ease, but lets be honest with ourselves somethings are just beyond the reach of even the most sincere and/or powerful companion/advocate during the key moments of any stroke, heart attack or unavoidable surgery where the risk of dismemberment or death is a strong possibility. Im always here. Imagine a child of Edwardian England, born when a new century had barely begun. Anything I can do to help make you day/s better? My new title, Assistant, at your Service. Other suggestions: Nothing I can say will make you feel better ; You know how I felt about; anything short and sincere, even if its trite. Maybe stroke her hair and tell her that Im praying for her to get better fast because I miss her. Thanks for this, very helpful. And if you say these words, make sure you mean them, and support them through thick and thin. A CaringBridge website: Eases the burden of updating family and friends about a loved one's condition. Oh No When Did You Find this Out. Instead, think of something specific you are willing to do and state what you plan to do and when or how often. The other day I ran into Friend who had just been diagnosed with a brain tumor. These are all insightful comments and suggestions. Just let them know you love and support them. I think the best thing people have done for us is tell us they are thinking of us, praying for us. Patients and caregivers use the CaringBridge Planner to schedule rides to doctor appointments, coordinate grocery and/or meal delivery, arrange childcare, take care of pets, chores and errands, and even set up good times to stop by and visit. Theres only so many of these encounters your docs can pull you out of the boneyard. The extra stress and hurt it causes are not needed. It might make the offeror feel better, but not guaranteed to be positively received nor be helpful support to the person suffering. With Lots a Prayers ? There never seems to be any comforting words in my brain at these difficult times. And, thank you for keeping us posted.? We have been condtioned to say I am sorry, but there are many things we can tell those who are experiencing tough times. Here are my top three listed by feature: https://posthope.org Taking action, finding hope, and navigating the journey ahead. Spend some time with the person in the inner circle. It is my experience that most people appreciate a sincere offer to pray. They did ask if there is anything they can do, just ask. So when you see a caregiver reassure them they are still a person first who happens to be a caregiver. ), Be it unto you, according to your faith.. lets celebrate when its over! I wish this wasnt happening to you. I lost my mom to this horrific disease too. My advice: Do something!! However, he is not the same person he was before his accident. Sometimes the smallest gestures are the best! How can I help? Sorry is one of those contemporary lazy words meant to convey a slew of positive feelings so as to cover the fanny of he person offering them to the person who was suddenly whalloped by a brain attack (as in my case) or heart attack. Those were his last words. In particular, significant uncertainty exists among critical care physicians as to ethical and legal obligations for terminally ill patients. You can ASK if the person if they are OK with a prayer. How can I help you through this ? Yeah, thats much better. there isnt much a caregiver needs from someone that isnt a close friend. D. Another book by Haugk is Cancer Now What? Cant say enough about Caring Bridge!! You are strong and beautiful, Especially so is this true when our vulnerable elders are locked up against their will, all the while state parties doing this, violate IA 235B.19(7) by ignoring the mandated Emergency Order provision of Iowa law. Im guilty of saying Im sorry too often. Keep it light and respectful. My sister Margaret has come up with the best comment. Sometimes a hug is all thats needed. I never once went to someone who said let me know and actually asked for help. God is with you so that He can give you strength and gentleness. Studies that used experimental designs to assess . July 21, 2023 at 4:27 PM EDT. A smile is a gift from the heart. By commenting you accept the CaringBridge, 13 Good Things to Say to Someone with Cancer, What People Mean to Say When the Wrong Words Come Out. And lets face it, the longer you live and the more youve lived in the public eye and done much to help or hinder the particular society you came from or represented, youre going to run into lots of people youll be sorrier you met and helped along the way than those sincere souls who really feel sorry for your sudden serious illness like a stroke or heart attack. For a week, someone would arrive with a fresh dinner and return for dishes two days later. Sometimes I will ask what would help right now. I was taken aback and could only utter I am sorry, however I did manage to say I will pray for you before they said goodbye. This aint right, you should have help from other family members to take care of your Mom. I hugged him, gave him a kiss, whispered good bye, and said I love you. Here s my phone number. I have followed the healing of four friends on CaringBridge, two recovered two did not. After a few years the friends who were with you in the beginning seem to fade away. When you want to talk about your I am there to listen. So many say to call on them anytime but that is difficult to do. . The US Medicare program will roll back rules that limited coverage for an expensive imaging scan for people with Alzheimer's disease, a change that . All wonderful things! He was sitting by himself holding a New Testament open at psalm 23. Please dont make empty offers to help. What Can CaringBridge Do for You? I recently lost my husband to cancer. 10.2 Terminal cancer patients who have a remaining life expectancy of ~1 month are unable to orally take fluids because of gastrointestinal obstruction caused by cancer-associated peritonitis, have a performance status of 3-4, and have symptoms of fluid retention such as ascites or edema should receive maintenance parenteral fluids (moderate . I was not good at carrying on a conversation but just having someone present really was appreciated. These videos were short and either very funny or sweet and I would send them every other day or so. I was quite depressed and I just wanted to scream when anyone said to me I understand.. Hear their hard news and stay strong for them. This is ALWAYS the thing to do. Hard-boiled or soft scrambled eggs. Unless you are to blame it is a futile statement. Call me any time if you need to talk. ), as a car giver and as person with walking disability i have appreciated anyone simply saying thank you. Thanks for the heads up. Sending a thinking of you card, offering prayers, asking with genuine concern, how are YOU? Be prepared to listen & nod.no response except a heart to heart hug speaks volumes. We want to hear it from you! Im with you in this, let me vacuum your room. A person dealing with an illness may not see the need for help at first, but this question provides an open invitation if and when a person becomes ready to accept. RIGHT! Keep in touch! We told a friend who lost his wife (and my best friend) that our porch and fresh ice tea was always open. I agree whole heartedly with discouraging the empty offers of help. Much better than many other platitudes, like, They arent suffering any more, or They are in a better place. And now, 24 years later, I still remember so very well someone who asked, Is there anything I can do for you ? Yes, there actually was. When you say let me know if I can help, or let me know if I can do anything is only adding one more thing on the hurting persons list of things to do. 9,21 -23. It might be nice to hear How can I help? You are a master teacher! Honestly, a drink and some conversation is probably just what your loved one needs. Cant wait until you are back in the saddle again! PLEASE never say, let me know if theres anything I can do for you It puts all the pressure back on the person suffering to reach out and ask for helpwhich no one likes to do. I have a wonderful husband that took great care of me. Hospice offers suggestions. It was a special moment for both of us. You mean a lot to me! Im here for you in whatever way you might need. Youll get through this! It was priceless. And then just careful listening. and their brains often cant handle anymore. Recipient will know you mean well even if you say something inappropriate. And a pharmacy friend brought laxatives to help me get moving again after a week. The worst thing is to say things that make someone feel dismissed or afraid youll beat this, youll be fine felt to me both untrue and dismissive of the struggle I was going through.